I'd like to patent reality...

Some interesting patent links, found on Boing Boing.

Those freakin' cops!

So a cop pulled me over tonight because I pulled a U-turn from the middle lane at a flashing red traffic light. It's not like I was crazy or anything. The other side had bad traffic, so I thought the U-turn would save me time. There were no cars remotely near the intersection, and even if they were, they would have to stop anyhow. I hope that cop feels good that he's one number closer to meeting his quota for the night; I'm f-ing pissed.

F-ck cops. Oh, and more: f-ck moderate drinking. I was actually on my way home from hanging out with my friends at the pub, so I had only one beer knowing I needed to get home all safe and sound. Screw that. If I just got wasted and then walked to my friend's house for the night like last time, I wouldn't have had that problem with the cops. Cheaper to spend money on a bunch of alcohol than to spend it on a moving violation ticket.

Why not f-ck life as well?

really

Sex is overated.

love

what is love?

Baby Names

Phil, in every man's life, there comes the time when he decides to continue his line. When that time comes, when this fruitful expansive time comes, difficult decisions need to be made. Things like, where do we put the crib? And, Who changes the diaper this time?

But there is a more fundamental question that comes before these serious concerns. I is the question that mothers and fathers agonize over, for it will detrmine their child's future.

"What will I name my child?"

Phil, other men and other women may struggle when naming their children, but for you the question will be easy. I think we know how you should decide to name your man-child. You need to decide by thinking, what name do I see best filled in my life? Who have I seen who best exemplifies those virtues that I wish to see lived by my child? Who do I want my child to emulate?

Well, Phil, those questions are hard for many parents, but for you they will be easy. You have many male friends, but only really one that you can name your man-child after. There's only one of your male friends who you can say, "This is the man-friend after whom I will fashion the fruit of my loins."

That's me, Phil. Let's face the facts. That's me. The name for your man-child is Jonathan.

My blog

I've changed the title to my blog. I think it is really awesome, like me!

D-mn you all!

Screw you boys for abusing my trust. Now I need to change my password and everything just so you guys don't mess with my blog. I can't be angry with you all, though, because I helped in messing with Dustin's blogger identity for a while. That would make me a hypocrite to become angry.

So anyway, Jon is probably right and this blog will end one day. Jon and I will blame it on everyone else because they don't contribute at all.

Jon and I win. But I win more.

Arseome

Some day all of this will come to an end.